I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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