a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize