I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
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