Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
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so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
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There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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