Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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