In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
