True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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