I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
