he shaved USA in his pubs
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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