Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
