I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
