all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
