wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
