It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Randomize
