Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
