K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
