why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
