after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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