ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
