he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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