Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
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And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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