i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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