I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize