Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
