When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
