I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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