You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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