First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
