capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
