if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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