Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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