Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
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John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
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Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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