I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Never let your siblings swipe right.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
