I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
