Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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