dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
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