I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
