Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
