once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
