We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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