Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
