I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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