its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
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