did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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