Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
