i may or may not be watching the land before time
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
