I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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