I molested 6 butterflies tonight
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I'm really busy with my period
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