I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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