You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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