Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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