It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Who died my cat blue again?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
