I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
