i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
