u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
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