I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
