Your face is a jimmy john
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
