I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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