I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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