yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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